The moment I write the 2-lettered 'vs' for anything, it seems as if it connotes a war or a fight or a battle-so why did I think of using this to separate the words 'married' and 'singles'? Well,my intention is surely not to start a warfare here-that's for a later time ;-)
I happen to be a die hard romantic who believes that someone somewhere is surely waiting for you and if you believe in love, you will meet that person no matter what and get swept off your feet and fall hopelessly in love and then the whole universe will conspire such that things will eventually work out irrespective of the hurdles! However, what exactly do I mean when I say,'things will work out'?
What do we look for when we fall in love(assuming there is something called love which is nice and beautiful and doesn't come without heartaches)?
Do we just enjoy the moments spent with our beloved and get carried away in the sheer romanticism of the whole thing with a constant smile on our face shamelessly giving away how happy we are and find something good in everything around us or do we over and above these, start thinking when will he propose or whether she will say yes(assuming the traditional mode)or what will my mom say etc, i.e.. in other words, work out the possible logistics of the final destination-'marriage'?
Well, most of us will do the latter coz we all want to make ourselves happy by ensuring we get what we want-and we want 'not to stay single'-so now that we are in love(of course while falling in love,we have already resolved the doubts in our minds as to whether this person is the right one and hence have done the necessary subconscious calculations), what better thing to do than to put the 2 things together and decide to 'formally' live together-cutting it short, get married!! And it's actually nice coz you genuinely feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with this beloved of yours and if things go that way, then voila!
However,what about the other half of the population who still haven't fallen in love? Who still haven't 'found the one' and things still haven't 'worked out' for them? For those who are still 'single'?
Maybe some of them had relationships which didn't work out and some actually haven't found anyone--but whatever it maybe, they live their lives the way they want. However,they can't remain like that for a long time! Very soon, the realization that the world around them is fast getting metamorphosed into being 'married'(the 'age' is increasing!), starts haunting them-the 'what-ifs' torment their otherwise peaceful thoughts-what if they end up being 'single'?what if they end up being 'alone'? what if they have to come back to an 'empty house'?And before you know, these pangs get the better of them and in a few months' time they find themselves as the spouses of unknown strangers that their folks and relatives have 'found' for them(thanks to the entire system of equations involving horoscopes and pundits!) and voila,life moves on again!and what about love? well, you start staying with the person and marriage being a lovely bond, generates love between the two people coz 'everything else' looks good on paper-so it happens (yeah right, coz there's no option!)
This makes me ponder, what exactly are the so-called 'singles' afraid of, to an extent that they are willing to disregard all their apprehensions,their fears, their doubts-everything to take the plunge into a supposedly life-long relation with someone whom they hardly know, forget about being able to connect to or being in love-just coz the horoscopes have matched and the 'parents feel' he/she is the correct choice? I hear cases where people meet only twice before they tie the knot!! (how's it even better than not meeting at all!) How can just 2-3 meetings with a person contribute toward a decision to spending the rest of life together!
Are today's 'singles' so desperate to find companionship that they basically don't care what kind of a person the spouse really is-as long as the family background and degrees look 'fine'?Are they prepared to make any adjustment required as long as they don't have to spend their lives alone? Are they scared of suddenly finding themselves in the middle of a room where all their friends and cousins are present with their respective partners but not them? Is it like, when everyone around you is not 'single', then you start having these pangs and give in to them, (typically between 25-35 I am assuming for Indian men-women) even if that includes the fearsome possibility that post-marriage you realize you just can't relate to the person sleeping beside you ,coz there was no connection to start with?
What will all the horoscopes matching and impressive resumes and good family background do then to resolve such a fundamental discrepancy?
If loneliness is the main issue here, then does marriage always provide a solution to it? Is the trade-off between staying happily alone and waiting for love to happen or getting hooked to a stranger for the sake of being with someone, so lopsided that the former has ceased to be an option? Are we willing to pay such a heavy price of spending the rest of our lives with a stranger just coz we can't bear the thought of remaining single?
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2 comments:
Landed on your blog and was pleasantly surprised to see that you have taken to writing. and this post seemed particularly amusing. have gone through similar questions and thought of sharing what i had sent a friend on my take on the Big question... cheers...
Almost Marriageable
It starts around late evening – middle of the week and you have come home early. Whether it is World Movies or Mr. Beans – pretty much everything seems pointless.
You hate your job, but then realize that you know of no one who loves theirs either. May be you aren't better-off, but you aren't worse-off than any of your friends. You look for the next 'big' thing that can excite you in life. College days, first job, river-rafting, long drives – all have served their purpose, but now what else can you look forward to?
A career break doesn't seem to be an option – you have slowly got sucked into the system. Credit card bills come in more than one page and the EMI sucks. There aren't any options but to get up in the morning and rush in the same direction everyday. Even a long vacation seems impossible. The shit you are in is far from what you had dreamt about yourself in college.
You look around yourself and the obvious option stares at you – marriage. Can marriage be the next big 'change?' In the last few months you have lost count of how many friends' weddings you have attended. Marriage is the easiest escape button anyone can hit on. But then it can also be the – 'Ctrl+Alt+Del' for you.
You know you have reached the marriageable age when you plan a dinner out with that old drinking buddy who has recently got married and he or she quite inanely suggests, 'why not come home for dinner instead?' That's what marriage does to your friends. You give up and head towards your home!
You know you have reached the marriageable age when your parents, surprisingly and rather irritably, seem more excited than you are about meeting a new girl or a guy.
You know you have reached the marriageable are when you realize getting into a relationship has become far more complicated. You liked the girl and that was good enough to fall in your first love. Now everything has to be taken under consideration – her accent, her parents, even her nose-ring – just about anything and everything.
The sudden loneliness hits you all of a sudden, and hard. You know marriage is an eventuality – relationships don't happen anymore. Life takes turns U-turns and side turns and yet one is left directionless. The future looks scary! And if you could, you would rather postpone it.
As much as you would hate it, you check the matrimonial pages – of course not to discover a spouse but to check where you stand in the game. May be even secondshaadi.com – anything goes.
The night rolls over and the next day is again a fresh start, a new plan for the day and the evening. And then you realize the small joys of life that you have the privilege of – you can eat, drink, smoke wherever, whenever, whatever you wish, you can hang out with boys and girls without a sense of guilt, you can shop endlessly without having to explain your credit card bills to anyone, and you can skip the workout session whenever you feel like! You won't give up any of these so easily. Not for another person in your life. You already have too many of them.
Very nicely written. Needless to say the well-articulated thoughts closely reflect those of mine as regards this issue as am sure they do for several others of our generation facing similar questions and dileammas. I began writing as a hobby. Didn't realize you had written a book-pursuit of dreams takes us really far and away from old friends.kudos! Will try to get hold of a copy as long as am in India.
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