what are we?

Many a time when certain incidents of our personal lives,esp.those related to relationships, cannot be easily fathomed by common sense, we Indians, take recourse to explanations involving our social structure-traditions-customs-religion, that practically have us chained(in the name of being rooted?) and hence the in-built hypocrisies, to comfort ourselves; in the end lo and behold, the inexplicable portions of our lives get very conveniently dumped on destiny-does not matter if we have degrees from a foreign university or if are struggling to earn the minimum wage-it's all the same everywhere. And we tend to think, all this is a crucial element of our Indian-ness; a part of the age-old Indian culture coz the rules and norms have evolved(have they?) or let's say, have been there, for centuries and so we are of course very different from the rest of the world, esp. from the 'white' world who epitomize development and the 'black' world (do they even exist?) about whom we had last heard during the times of Lincoln, may be a bit from Nelson Mandela and maybe just a bit now from the Chinese!
But how different are we really?
The other day I met this undergrad American student from Long Island-a Jew by religion coming from a very religious family and she happened to be in love with this British guy who stays in London and is totally agnostic. And, she is quite uncertain about her future with him due to the religious differences between them but then she draws comfort from the fact they totally love each other and their families just want them to be happy together.
And then another day, in a certain Chinatown bus, I met this African woman from Guinea,traveling with her son; she had come to the US as a tourist. In course of our conversation, she told me how important it is in her country to get married to people from within the same community who speak the same native language( apart from French which is like their national language) and of course have the same religion and how women decide to stay just with their husbands and not with the in-laws and extended families to avoid hassles. She was in fact a bit appalled at the mention of the very concept of 'arranged' fix up where parents find your better half coz apparently even in a poor country such as Guinea, marriages are solely based on love!
And finally there is this Canadian friend of mine who had dated two Indian men at different times and had evidently been quite in love but unfortunately has now decided not to date any more Indian men coz "they never introduce me to their parents..there is this strange psychological hang-up despite the fact that their families live in Toronto!!"

All these left me wondering, where do we Indians stand exactly? And when we claim we are different and 'conservative' coz that's what our tradition demands and that's what our parents have taught us, do we even know what we are saying and what's happening in the rest of the world?
How often do we realize that even the liberal citizens of the so-called developed world also follow similar rules and customs and are not entirely so scattered as we perceive them to be but at the same time, they value individualism and freedom in every sense and believe in the virtues of love? even if ? That, just because the kids leave their parents' homes at 16yrs and have sex way earlier in lives, use birth control pills and don't have an age-old culture or history to always boast of, doesn't necessarily mean they are a wasted bunch? And in fact, just coz we come from a country with an ancient civilization and rich heritage-does that mean we all become virtuous by default when we abide by the so called traditions? Are we even aware that the young people from even the underdeveloped countries in Africa believe in marriage out of love and not just an artificial fix-up by families where you get to meet the person with whom you're supposed to be spending the rest of your life, just twice or thrice before getting knotted with him?

What are we upholding as our principles, beliefs, faith?
To be very calculative when one falls in love?( so that you end up with a person who speaks your language,follows your religious faith,eats your food etc etc; and who exactly are we trying to keep happy by this? ourselves or the larger 'Indian' society, coz the customs want us to do so?)
To maybe have a few affairs here and there(well, you know today's fast generation-you can't really bind them so) but surely stay a virgin till marriage?(and why exactly? coz religion/tradition wants us to think of sex as 'something' that's sinful before marriage but pure after? And how is it that the moment the same Indians cross the national border, the rules change for them?)
I could go on with my questions-but the point is, do we even know what this entire raucous about being an Indian entail in today's world? Does it essentially imply not caring about your own personal satisfaction and happiness but always thinking of what is right or wrong according to the society? How many of us are subconsciously trapped in this web of beliefs-customs-traditions-heritage which has been drilled into us since the day we started interacting with other Indians and hence have forgotten to even question them? We continue to follow the paths chartered by others for us coz that's 'the right thing to do' and never stop to think what we really want for ourselves and even if we do ask during some moments of internal conversation, we are too timid to admit it or by that time, have lost all power to act otherwise and hence follow our destiny--safe and comfortable!